Sunday, October 26, 2014

5 Days 'Til Halloween: Candy Sunday (4)

It really wouldn't feel like an interwebboblog event if I didn't include a dose of snark and/or pointless complaining, and since we're at the five days remaining mark I'll go all in with a Five Things: specifically, the Five WORST Candies People Hand Out On Halloween:

5. Candy Corn.

It turns out my wife actually likes candy corn. Learn something new every year. I had failed to learn this any of the previous Halloweens we've been together, clearly because of a mental block based entirely upon how gross and weird these so-called confections are.

4. Peppermint Patties

My wife also likes these, but they taste like chocolate-covered toothpaste to me. Trade fodder at best, but fortunately they are pretty good for that because a lot of people enjoy them. They are welcome to them.

3. Bit-o-Honey

What ... I don't even ... what is this? A strange flavor which does not come remotely close to compensating for the risk of accidentally sucking out a filling that comes with stuffing a glob of adhesive in your mouth.

2. Tootsie Pops

Controversial? I just couldn't get into these when I was a kid. I was never really big on Tootsie Rolls, for that matter, because I felt like they were a bait-and-switch wherein my beloved milk chocolate was promised (really only implied, but KID LOGIC) and then a waxy choco-like gunk was delivered. Tootsie Pops were just tainted by association, especially since I was very much the impatient type of tot who would give a few licks and then bite into a lollipop. But biting through hard candy and into a Tootsie Roll was unthinkable.

1. Non-candy

Pretzels? Raisins? Pennies? Toothbrushes? All equally guilty of missing the point and generally being the worst of the worst. COSTUMES AND CANDY, PEOPLE. Come on. It's not that difficult.


  1. Well I happen to love tootsie pops and peppermint patties and candy corn so can I trade you for things I hate like nerds?

    1. I love Nerds! I will of course give some of those pops and patties to my wife, but for the rest, you've got yourself a deal!