Saturday Grab Bag On the Road

From the Vanity Plate Archives: This time, it's actually a good one. Wednesday morning I spotted a big black Dodge Ram 1500 with Virginia tags that read HELLROY. In case you missed or have forgotten or found impenetrable my original Vanity Plate Manifesto, let me restate the high ponits: custom tags are essentially a silly and pointless (if ultimately harmless) form of self-promoting conspicuous consumption, or at least that's how I was introduced to them in Jersey where they run expensive. What ups the silliness in my estimation is when the tags seem to promote (or redundantly identify) the vehicle bearing them, instead of the driver within. Vanity plates should be affixed to a Porsche and say BIGSHOT, not a minivan with the caption DOGTAXI. So I tip my hat to HELLROY for at least doing it right and in a moderately interesting and original way that doesn't resort to nigh-incomprehensible vowel-dropping or gratuitous l33t-speak.

Still, the real intrigue lies in what exactly HELLROY means.


Is this a nickname the driver gave himself in hopes that it wouldc atch on, or do people commonly refer to him as such every day? Was he a hellraising rapscallion before he could even drive, or do people tend to sigh and roll their eyes at him and regularly address him with a scolding "Aw, hell, Roy ..." For that matter, is his real name Roy or Elroy, both of which I associate with men no younger than about 55? Is it possible that a graying good ol' boy also has a deep and abiding affection for (or identification with) Mike Mignola's demonic super-agent of the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense? Or is Roy not actually part of the driver's name at all, but used for its root meaning of "king", thus implying that the onyx pickup truck in question is steered by the claws of the King of Hell, Satan himself?

I spend waaaaaaay too much time alone in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

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Here's a question of workplace etiquette: what is the proper vocal volume for excusing oneself when literally stepping through someone else's conversation?

Government offices have a tendency to feel a bit overstuffed, since various budgetary restrictions make it more feasible to cram in a few new pre-fab cubicles and rearrange the rest rather than simply rent more commodious office space and let the agency spread out. This is certainly true in my office, where the hallways created by backs of cubicles on one side and office walls on another can be pretty narrow. If two people bump into each other in one of these passageways and get involved in a mutual discussion, and a third person tries to get past them, it's often physically impossible to go around them.

When I am this third person I always say "Excuse me" as I squeeze between people, but I never feel like I'm doing it right. If I say something in my normal speaking voice, that's pretty loud, which is bound to drown out what's being said and thus derail the discussion, which seems a little rude. But if I whisper, I worry that the two people talking won't hear my "excuse me" at all and they'll think I'm some jerk who just plows between people with no apologies. Anyway, if you have any thoughts on whether it's better to be polite through a bullhorn or not, feel free to let me know.

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I know I'm a little bit late to the party on this, but as a recent convert I now feel the need to spread the gospel far and wide. Seriously you guys:

AXE COP!

Hells yes.

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I'm off to D.C. now to take my wife to the Terra Cotta Warriors exhibit at the National Geographic Museum, a delayed Christmas present and one we are both very much looking forward to. Terra Cotta Warriors! Whoooooo!