Friday, September 2, 2011

Random Friday Observation

Here is a thing, which exists in the nominally real world:

5 Hour Energy Decaf.

5 Hour Energy DECAF.

If I stop and think about it I suppose there are people who have adverse reactions to caffeine but no problem with herbal energy boosters, and maybe also people who believe they've built up an immunity to caffeine, or conversely believe that if they consume caffeine after 6 p.m. they will not sleep for three days, and really for them it might just be a psychological placebo effect where 5 Hour Energy Decaf makes them feel more alert and that's all that matters, but still ... it's a startling indicator of just how specific a level our consumer culture drills down to.

I do have to say that I love how the regular 5 Hour Energy bottles have this very aggressive black and red color palette that evokes staying up all night partying (or possibly a post-apocalyptic wasteland where the weak are killed and eaten) but the Decaf version is all blue skies and green rolling hills because, you know, taurine and Citicoline are healthy joyous little body-helpers compared to icky old caffeine. Or something.

Personally, I’m just waiting for the inevitable 24-hour energy boost micro-beverage, that chemically allows the human body to forgo sleep entirely with regular consumption. Side-effects may include hallucinations up to and including vision quests led by anthropomorphic 1950’s-era household appliances, but your productivity will be the tops!

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